I hate to bring up the old nagging question of dads helping stay at home moms, but what is an ok expectation?
Sheri E asked:
I’m a RN by trade and my husband is a computer/technology consultant who works from home. I have been a SAHM since our dd was born 21/2 year ago. I love staying at home and raising our child, but like everything else there are a few rubs. First, my husband wants me stay home (he didn’t have that growing up and feels it’s very important). However, we don’t live very comfortably on 1 income (he borrows $$ from his parents to support his business). Now here comes the selfish part. I love my husband, but I feel like if I have to go back to work b/c he insists on “making his ‘career’ work” instead of getting a “real job” (y’know…9-5, that sort of thing) that I might as well separate b/c then I will be doing it all myself anyway. Chores, kid, bills, yardwork…I do it all! He doesn’t bathe her, put her to bed, take her on weekends to give me a break. I never have any time off. I feel like I’m losing my identity, and not the nursing one…the human one! Am I wrong to want more?
Thank you FB128…you helped me to put some of my feelings into better words that I can bring up to him, and some of things you said are good points (particularly the part about fatherhood not having set hours). I think that’s something that he can understand and it’s reasonable–not just the same old nagging I feel like I always do to enact change. You were right about not having spare $$ for daycare and maids, too. Luckily my sister sits for free for us so we can go out on dates, but with this looming over our relationship it’s hard to even want to spend time together. I’d love just time for myself alone, but that makes me feel selfish and greedy. On the other hand, ignoring my needs makes me want to walk out of my house and just keep going…and that’s sad. Someone suggested I get on an antidepressant, but I doubt that me taking a pill will make him more helpful 
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Tagged With Dd, Rubs, Stay At Home
Comments
6 Responses to “I hate to bring up the old nagging question of dads helping stay at home moms, but what is an ok expectation?”
why dont you hire someone to clean your house once a week that might help
Should have discussed these things before baby, uh?
You are not wrong and most men suck at helping out. you need to talk to him.
If he is going to work at home, he should have hours to work and time for the family and to help you out. Dinner time and clean up after along with babys bed time should be clear for him to participate and help a bit. My hubby and I will clean the entire house (vacuum, sweep, mop, bathroom/kitchen, iron, trashout etc) in an hour
If you work becomes a need, why not part time. He can watch the baby while you work and go back to his work when you get home, from home he can work with the baby there to an extent.
I’d be damned if I support a man that has no clue of what a real job is and thinks he needs to borrow from his mommy and daddy while he sits on his ass all day. I’d boot him out.
I personally feel that it is the job of a sahm to do the housework, laundry, cleaning, cooking, yardwork, etc. That is what her job is. That being said, everyone deserves a day off, so Dad should be giving you a couple hours on Sat or Sun to do what you want, with whom you want, even if it is no one. He also should be taking you out for “date night”, so that the two of you are able to enjoy some off together!
I don’t understand what you are trying to say about his job, but as long as he is working, he should be able to choose the job that he wants, as should you. If you are not happy in your current job, as sahm, quit, and get another.
I can totally relate to the lose of identity you are feeling. Perhaps if join a mommy & me class, or a play group with your child, you could meet other mom’s in your area to get together with, and do childcare swaps with, which would give you ways to entertain yourself & your child, and perhaps would help you feel better with your sahm situation.
As a Husband…and a father…When the kids was younger..I would work 40 hr work week outside the home..and I stilled helped fed the kids when they was babies..changes diapers give some bathes when needed…I never complained or whined about it..I enjoyed spending that time with them and I would never change the past either..for you to go back to work is not selfish…if you need the income..do it..you go to do whats best for the child to…good luck